The Truth of the Butterflies

In my dream world...... I hope to graduate from UMass with a minor in Linguistics. I want to go to grad school in Boston and live in a shitty apartment with my friends and work at a hospital. I would have have my Masters in Audiology, living in either North Carolina or MA, no further than an hour away from my friends & family. I want to live in a house that has some cool architecture to it. I want to have 1-3 kids by the time i am 35. I want to have visited Colorado, Oregon, Amsterdam, Germany, London. I want at least one cat. I want to have weekly nights when i hang out and drink wine & beer with my friends. I want to eat dinner with my parents once a week. I want to be close to my sister, and hope our kids are best friends. I'd love to have a Range Rover or a Subaru. I feel like I'll be an SUV mom.

In high school I was comfortable, I had plenty of friends that made me happy, high school wasn't that challenging although I did not make high honors. I never tried as hard as I could. I definitely let myself down. When you apply to college you instantly start to worry that you didn't try hard enough. You might get into all your colleges but probably not that one school you applied to for "shit and giggles" although you actually really, desperately wanted to go. And you're secretly super sad about it and pretend you never look at whether you got in or not...but in reality you know you didn't. You knew that you weren't going to get in, and even if you did you never would have been able to afford it. So you choose your college, and of course you were too stubborn to apply to the college close to home that would save $13,000/yr, so you choose the next cheapest and it's $26,000/year which is revolting. So your stuck going to this school you never looked a...